Dreams, Journal

Full-time

I can vividly recall the moment I decided I wanted to become a writer. I was sitting in a tan corduroy chair inside a cramped college dorm room. I was rereading Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. It was at that moment that I realized I saw the world just as Huxley did. And I thought this might mean I should write novels, too.

Of course, at the time, I was also very interested in photography and film and understanding that a degree in Creative Writing might not pay any bills, I ultimately decided to study Mass Communications.

It took me some time to come back around to writing books, but ever since then, I’ve wanted to write full time. Even then, I understood writing novels would most likely mean writing other things in support of that endeavor. But the reality is I’m not entirely sure I want to write articles for a magazine like Cat Fancy just to say that I’m a full-time writer. (I’m allergic to cats.)

At times, I fear this means that my dream of becoming a full-time writer is unrealistic. It’s hard enough as it is, but once you start putting stipulations on what you will and will not do (like writing about cats), it becomes that much harder. People who do become full-time writers may be willing to write anything. But I’ll only do that up to a point (e.g., I ghostwrote this sci-fi novel).

These days I’m starting to see that time is limited. In other words, I’m only going to get to write so many more books. And I’m just not sure I want to spend all day writing articles on the best kitty litter only to find out I haven’t got any words left for my work later that night. In other words, if I can’t write full time, I might just write for me.

photo: Mikhail Vasilyev

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Justin Meckes is a writer and filmmaker living in Durham, NC. His stories have been published in various online journals and magazines. He has ghostwritten a sci-fi novel and is the author of several children's books. You can reach him by sending an email to contact@justinmeckes.com.