I recently realized that I have a pretty specific set of goals that I’ve frequently verbalized and languished over for some time. (By languishing, I mean that I’ve suffered for not having achieved them.) But one thing I’ve never done is write them down.

First, it’s been my goal on and off for the last twenty years to become a full-time fiction writer. I want to be specific. A full-time freelance writer is not the same thing. I want to be a novelist or someone who makes a significant portion of their income from their creative works.

I’ve not been under any delusion about this. I realize that very few people are successful in this regard. In the past, I’ve compared it to wanting to play in the NBA or Premier League football. It’s a goal that is extremely difficult to achieve.

What has caused me a significant amount of suffering is that subsequent goals seem to hinge, more or less, on my attainment of the first goal. For example, I would like to create a television show that involves interviewing writers and/ or a travel show that promotes the causes of those in need.

With goals this lofty, I’ve had to develop a Plan B, and I’m working toward that goal as well. But when it comes down to it, I’m utterly committed to obtaining my goal of becoming a novelist or some reasonable semblance.

I have endeavored in this journal to write about optimizing my life to help me achieve this goal. But such optimization would be rendered fruitless if I am not allowed to enter my desired arena. It would be similar to an Olympic athlete who is denied participation in the main event to do political objection or injury or pandemic. The training has been completed, and yet they are left wanting. This could certainly happen to me.

So, the question is, is there any satisfaction in only training to an Olympic level without competing. Let’s hope so. Better yet, let’s hope that a dream unfulfilled is replaced by something that delivers and even more unique sense of completeness.

I know that’s what I’m hoping for if I’m denied my goal. It’s something I’ve been hoping for some time already. If my dream was replaced, I might finally be able to find some peace.

photo: Shapelined